Top 10 Mistakes People Make In Zombie Movies

24 May
Top 10 Mistakes People Make In Zombie Movies

Almost all of these mistakes can be applied equally to any horror/alien/demon infestation scenario. But since this is Zombie Command, we will stick with what we all know and love… zombies, the walking dead, the infected. Whatever you want to call them they are what we are about here and the movie industry has over the years made several excellent movies about the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

We, as humans, have been shown the ways to survive and even flourish in a zombie-world, yet there is always the guy/girl that has to go down in the basement to see what that noise was or feels the need to open the damn side door to check if the coast is clear. But I digress. Let us get on with the show and highlight some of the most common mistakes that people make in zombie movies. These are in no particular order, each one will result in the same outcome… people get eaten, or worse, survive and in turn rise themselves. So dim the lights, grab your popcorn, machete, and shotgun, and pray you survive the night.

Thinking that a bitten loved one will remember you
How can I put this nicely. Uncle Charlie doesn’t remember you. He isn’t going to overcome his hunger for warm flesh to embrace you and cry that he is sorry for eating Aunt Jane. He is DEAD. Well, kind of. And he wants to chow on your head, arms, neck or whatever he can get his rotting corpse hands on. Put one in his head, say your good byes and move on. You can cry later.

Facing the dead in hand-to-hand combat
Unless you have no other options, fighting a zombie with your bare hands is a horrible idea. Run. Doing anything is better than locking up with a walker. You will in all probability lose the fight and be bitten or scratched, both of which leads to you becoming what you’ve been fighting and that can only lead to me putting a skylight in your forehead.

Going into the basement/ dark alley/ cemetery because you “think you heard something”
Yes you did hear something dumb-ass and when you go into that dark area alone to “see who’s there”, darkness is all you will know. Listen, I know curiosity killed the cat, but you have to look out for number one. You. Deal with what you can see in front of you. The dead have the advantage of other senses to locate you and if you go check to see if Rick made it back from the garage because he heard something, then you are the second course on the zombie buffet.

Choosing a complicated method to kill the dead
Whichever member of your group thought that using raw meat from slaughtered cattle to lure the hordes of the dead into following you to the outskirts of town and then in to the abandoned power plant just so you can spray them with a fire hose and finally turn the juice on, frying the undead like Jimmy Dean patties, should be flogged. Everybody say it with me, “KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid”. Sure the big showy kills are funny and make for great stories, but when it’s all about surviving just get the job done and move on.

Assuming that it’s all over / Thinking you’ve won
Just because it’s been a few hours or even a few days since you had your last run in with a walker, that doesn’t mean you survived. In all reality it will come to a scenario just like this. As you last longer and survive in the new zombie-filled world you will come to a point when the dead aren’t around every corner. So you will let your guard down and get sloppy. Since we all know what that leads to I won’t even bother to say it… okay, yes I will. You and/or your team/family/group will get attacked and eaten. You will turn into a walker and I will have to put air in your head. Never let your guard down.

Don’t go upstairs!
Now this isn’t like the idea about going into the basement to check out a noise. No, this is based on the fact that if you go upstairs and a zombie is following you, you have now just put yourself in a dead end (no pun intended). This situation can only be made worse if there are multiple ghouls in pursuit of you. But there is hope! An amendment to this mistake is as follows: if you must run up stairs, destroy or make them impassable in your wake. You may still be stuck on the 2nd or higher floor but at least you aren’t in direct danger and you have bought yourself some more time. Sometimes that is the most valuable thing you can have.

Shooting the body not the head
Really?! Have you never seen a zombie movie?! In the realm of Hollywood movies there is always “that guy” that thinks he is the embodiment of Billy the Kid or Rambo or any gun wielding, bullet slinging stereotype. Firstly, you will come to find out that ammo is a very valuable commodity. Secondly, you are making noise which may attract more living dead. Lastly (and the most important thing) YOU AREN’T KILLING THE BASTARDS!! Zombies feel no outward pain and their organs have already shut down. That is to say that they can take on massive amounts of bodily damage and still continue to move, hunt and kill. Head shots are the only thing to try for. Remember this mantra, “One in their head to make sure they stay dead.”

Trying to get laid while on the run from the walking dead
This one is a no brainer; keep it in your pants Casanova! You have much more important things to be concerned with than trying to score and let me just say, this seems to be a mistake geared towards the guys. Women realize there is a better time and place and can control themselves for the most part. I know, I know. I’m such a buzz kill. But then again so is a zombie chewing on your leg while you are ”otherwise engaged”.

Being the macho, hero type and running straight into the middle of the fight.
“I can’t just sit here and do nothing! Let go get those bastards!” This one kind of ties into the “avoid hand to hand combat” idea. If you run off to battle the hordes by yourself you will get too close and you will die. Worse yet you will turn and come back to eat your team. So sitting tight and keeping your cool is priority one. Just remember, a man the fights alone dies alone. Be calm and you will get plenty on opportunities to fight the undead hordes.

When gathering supplies on the run, only take the necessities.
You don’t need a hair dryer, popcorn machine, PSP or anything else that will not help you either kill or survive. Your cell phone may help for a very short period of time but eventually service will be down and your battery will die. Actors never think to grab flashlights and batteries or things like bats and guns. Even water in containers and food that won’t soon spoil, is a better choice than the entire Twilight Saga (actually almost anything is better than the entire Twilight Saga).

Well there you have it and I am sure you can all come up with other mistakes that get to you just as much as they do to me. Hollywood is all about being sexy and cool and flashy. At no point does that equal smart and able to outlive the threat of the zombie apocalypse. So in the end its all about being smart and prepared. And as always, keep your blades sharp, and your ammo dry.

pixel Top 10 Mistakes People Make In Zombie Movies
Joshua "Jesters Soul" Franco. A loyal solider and field reporter for Zombie Command. Willing to put himself and you at risk to get the newest info on all things zombie. Calls the deep, dark wilds of Pennsylvania's forests home. Keep your Blades sharp, and your Ammo dry.

Read more articles by Joshua Franco »

Comments (27)

 

  1. Patrick says:

    Good list. Oh, but Hollywood wouldn’t be the same without dumbass people who, amongst those other mistakes, also fail to get weapons when they can and then, contrary to all rationale or survival oriented thought, split up.

    “Alright, everybody, we’re forehead deep in a zombie apocalypse. They may be in this house at this very moment…I’ll go upstairs alone, empty-handed, and making noise. You wait for me here”.

    Yeah, great plan. Or…maybe you could use one or two of those brain cells to come up with a plan that doesn’t involve idiocy and imminent death. Just sayin’.

    It’s encouraging to know that there are still some free thinking folks out there who know these basics. Thanks, Joshua. Best of luck to you in case…well, anyway, just in case.

    Thanks for the post, man. Keep on keepin’ it real.

  2. Rartemass says:

    This is the problem with Hollywood, they regurgitate the same formula instead of creating a truly inspired story.
    Imagine a Zombie survival movie where the protagonists actually do everything right and none of the stupid stuff current writers throw in because they have no imagination, but are still in constant danger because there are 3 billion freaking zombies. That’s a movie I’d go see 17 times.

  3. Wooo says:

    Perhaps, in retrospect, these movies are more of a teachable moment for the inevitable zombie apocolypse. Once we realize the mistakes of these dipshit actors, when the real thing comes, we know what NOT to do. See, by scaring us half to death, it forces the things we see into our memories. Also, it would be pretty boring and probably unsespeseful. We wouldn’t be able to stand up in a movie theatre and shout “you IDIOTSSS! RUN! SHOOOTTTT. OMG WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!!!” where would the fun be without that!?

  4. Chibifox94 says:

    Thanks man.. You helped me alot been working on a really low waged zombie movie and i have been looking for stuff like this now all I need is a supplie list for the movie.

  5. I agree with you guys, have you noticed its normally the women who go into the dark rooms with the scary monsters? sod that, I’m and 18 stone ex rugby player and you wouldn’t catch me being that brave Lol!

  6. D says:

    my problem with zombie movies is they always have HUGE flaws at some point or another, for example land of the dead not only was there so much gore it became stupid to me, but if the zombies were smart enough to either remember or be tought how to use wepons and get pissed if one of their own is killed, wouldnt they be smart enough to remember eating people is…i dono…WRONG? or what about this? the zombies moved at a slow walk and had extreamly poor reflexes, yet their able to somehow catch humans that could run and had full mobility…i know its just a movie but make it slightly realistic….oh! also dawn of the dead fucked up to! the survivors get a dog that spent weeks outside with hundreds (if not thousands) of zombies running around, and they learnd that he was trained to follow wistle comands, so when andy (a gun store ouner, across the street) ran out of food he sent a message to the survivors he needed help, so the surviors realise that the dog isnt on the menu for the zombs and decide to lower him down from the roof, BUT one of the survivors formed a bond with the dog and started freaking out thinking the dog was going to die, her boyfriend makes her watch so she can see the dog land on the ground, and strut past (at my best guess a billion zombs) and make it to andys, but while he opens a lower hatch thing on this door the zombies keep it open and bites andy before he can shut it again. THEN for some very weired reason when they learn andys bitten the girl sneaks away and goes to save the dog and ends up getting trapped in a facking closet, ok…a few things…i love dogs…i love them i really do…BUT! no facking dog is worth the possibility of getting my guts ripped out….secondly what the fack is she thinking? that what Andys gonna be somehow different and eat said dog??? the survivors were gonna be going their to begin with any way to get guns and ammo, oh! and when they did go to save her, they left some duche bag rich boy at the one way door who everybody already knows is a dick and thinks is better than everyone else, who gets bored at his spot and leaves, while the rescue party returns with the girl with zombies hot on their heels, my question at this point is…where the fack was the main charecter chick when this was happenin???they couldnt put someone more trusting at the door??…if your gonna make a zombie movie make it right god dammit!!!!! RAGLE FRAGLE

  7. D says:

    fack thats a lot….FIN!

  8. thevoiceofreason says:

    Okay so we are trapped in this large mall with all the zombies for miles around us. They are right outside and defenceless. We could throw everythong we don’t need off at them or burn the horde? No? You’r probably right. Lets wait till loads pile up and we have run out of supplies. Yeah…

  9. Alex_D says:

    Also:
    If your girlfriend\wife is a zombie,
    and she’s just about to give birth,
    your new bundle of joy won’t want milk when its hungry,
    it’ll want BRAINS.

  10. Spideerman says:

    You Genius lol.

  11. Hallelujah__H says:

    This was a wonderful read, I truly agree with you on all these issues. Also the fact that guns should be used as a last resort and stick to melee, unless dealing with numerous zombies or a horde. If you always us a gun you will use up all your ammunition, and thus end up running for your life with no weapon to fight back with.

  12. GaylordMcPenis says:

    11) Use full burst fire against a hord of zombie:
    you must hit the head, if you shot in this mode you shot 30 shot in 3 second, and you cant’ aim, in the better case you kill 2 zombie, if you have totally 300 shot in this way you can kill approx 18-22 zombie, you will live for something like 4 minute.

  13. MangiaMerda says:

    11)Use full burst fire against a horde of undeath:
    In this way you shot 30 round in 3 second, and you can’t aim, so you can kill something like 1 or 2 zombie with a 30rd clip, and with 300 round (10 magazine 9,5 kilos) you must kill 16-22 zombie, so… maybe you will die soon.

  14. wear a suit says:

    Wear a shark suit or one of those ied bomb defusal suits , sit in a chair xD

  15. The Walking Dead says:

    The only zombie show that’s come close to being logical and realistic is The Walking Dead. Zombieland was good too, but it was more of a comedy.

    The Walking Dead might interest some of you who think the zombie genre has been poorly done.

  16. Mr. Obesiguerrafondai Imbecilli says:

    12) use a .45, no seriously, a single cartridge weight 20g, a 9×19 weight 14g, and you MUST hit the head in the same way, and a .22 weight 3,1g.

  17. Garys says:

    I go there too

  18. ZOMBIES WILL NEVER HAPPEN says:

    all great facts but oh wait in order to be facts u need to prove them but u cant because a zombie apocalypse will never happen. so way to buy in on all the stupid hype and waste your time and your life preparing for something that will never happen.

  19. Cigano says:

    I think the most important thing to remember is don’t try to be a zombie-killing badass, and avoid a confrontation whenever possible.

    Killing a zombie should always be the last resort. Killing it with a gun is risky because you waste ammo, and the noise might attract more zombies. Bashing it’s brains in with a bat is risky because the infected blood might splash in your eyes or an open cut, and you have to get much closer. If I have a choice, I’ll put a snow plow on the front of an SUV and either run the bastards over, or drive away.

    Also, if I know anything from watching zombie movies and shows, it’s that safe havens are NEVER what they appear to be. Just look at the military base in 28 Days Later and Woodbury in The Walking Dead for examples, as well as the Dairy Farm in The Walking Dead video game.

  20. Luke Mark says:

    watch the newet movie scarymovie5 here:

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    NiggersNiggers

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  23. Whoa, the newest Dead Rising 3 for xbox looks really awesome, I am excited to try it! What are the preorder bonuses?

  24. weight lose says:

    It’s great that you are getting thoughts from this piece of writing as well as from our argument made at this time.

  25. bruce says:

    Yo man come play zSilencer!

  26. Lol 186753 says:

    Zombie movies always suck anyway

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