For those times when the undead evade the Ultimate Zombie Trap what could be better than a Rocket Propelled Chainsaw?

Not sure where this image originated but it’s doing the rounds again, please let us know if you are the source.

Whilst mostly dubious choices, there are some good look-a-likes in this selection of Actors Who Look Like Resident Evil Characters in this poster from Kotaku reader ‘Bob’.

Why Leon isn’t Leonardo Di Caprio and Sheva is Karen Dyer since they were both based on them I dunno. Still click to see a bigger version and full list. Bonus – It has Bruce Campbell.

The guys at Windowless Van have made a pretty good approximation of what would happen in George A Romero wrote a romantic comedy.

Check out their site for more funnies.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus

First place receives 3 points, 2 for second and 1 for third. Who will come out on top as the ultimate revenant? Well lets find out.

Being Dead

OK, the first criteria of an ultimate zombie is to ensure that the are actually dead, and not just a crazy-ugly cannibal redneck. How do our three competitors fare in this matter?

Bub – Yup, he’s certainly a goner, although a pretty fresh one. A bit of makeup and he could possibly pass as a human, albeit a slightly retarded one. I’ve been to Blackpool here in the UK and there’s often not much to tell between those people alive and dead.

Tarman – This is a much more clear-cut decision. Tarman has been locked in an airtight barrel for over 20 years and barely has any flesh left on his rotten skeleton. We can be pretty sure he’s a corpse.

Jesus – Well he certainly claimed to have been dead and risen again, and there are some documented sighting of him strung up on a cross, but then who really believes those religious nuts?

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
2	3	1

Brain Eating

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There is more to being a zombie than simply rising from the grave. A healthy appetite for human flesh, and in particular the nice juicy brain fits the picture. Do our contenders fancy a nosh on some medulla oblongata?

Bub – He’s pretty tranquil, and far too smart to use his teeth to chomp on some skulls. He’d rather shoot his targets instead. However he is partial to a bucket of flesh every so often, so maybe brains are on his agenda.

Tarman – One word… BRAAAAIIIIINNNS. Another two words: LIIIIIVVVE BRRRAAAAAIIIINNS! Enough said.

Jesus – While there are no recorded details of brains eating, his whereabouts for 40 days after rising from the grave and escaping the tomb are sketchy at best. There are multiple reports that he appeared in front of several individuals and groups of people, but that certainly doesn’t account for 40 days on the run. It may be an assumption, but I believe it to be likely this was his brain-eating period, which was covered up due to bad press.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
1	3	2

Speed of Movement

Zombies come in many speeds. Well actually only 2: Fast and slow. Everyone has their preferences, but which form will our favourite zombies take?

Bub – Slow and shabby, just as a zombie should be. While this conforms to proper standards it does lead to him being easy to escape from. (Discounting his use of firearms, naturally).

Tarman – Tarman is even more shambly that Bub. He’s particularly dribbly as he slowly climbs the basement stairs in Return of the Living Dead. It’s a fantastically hypnotic sight, but I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t hang around to watch him shuffle after me.

Jesus – Jesus comes across as kind of akin to a hippy. He was never much of a sprinter in his heyday, so it’s unlikely he’s much faster in death. Like a hippy, he can probably move fast if he could be bothered, but rarely does.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
3	1	2

Limited Lifespan

[Pic Credit]
Zombies never last forever. They rot and fall apart, and although the brain may well keep going the rotting flesh holding them together will cause serious issues with hunting tasty brains.

Bub – Poor old Bub only lasts one film. Fame probably went to his head and he vanished off to Hollywood to feast on celebs. His last appearance was back in 1985, so god knows what state he’s in now.

Tarman – Tarman has twice the lifespan of Bub as he pops up again in ROTLD pt 5, just to piss on his legacy more than anything. That is a pretty frightening idea though. Also, as the legend of Tarman states he originated in the classic Night of the Living Dead, so he’s been around for quite a while already.

Jesus – Taking the points however, is Jesus. For 2000 years this zombie has never shut up about being around forever. An everlasting zombie is a pretty scary thing.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
1	2	3

Intelligence

Finally we come to intellect. It’s all very well shambling your way along guided by the smell of brains, but sometimes even zombies can manage to drum up a hint of savvy to help track down their prey.

Bub – Bub shows signs of being able to use tools, phones and even firearms. Sure, it takes quite a bit of training to plug into the inert instincts of the creature, but Day of the Dead shows that it is possible.

Tarman – While on paper not much of a thinker, Tarman managed to operate a winch more or less unsupervised. While not exactly loading, aiming and firing a pistol it’s still quite impressive.

Jesus – Doesn’t appear to act much differently after becoming a zombie. All he is apparently able to do is turn up unannounced for some lunch with some people every-so-often. He also seems to do less miracles as a zombie.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
3	2	1

So some controversial results there, but obviously this was all done scientifically and the results clearly show as follows:

• Bub – ends up scoring 2 golds, 1 silver and 2 bronze. 10 Points to the classic Romero Zombie.
• Tarman – comes in with 2 golds, 2 silvers and only the one bronze. 11 Points to the disgusting Tarman.
• Jesus – had a surprisingly good showing, clocking up 1 gold, 2 silvers and 2 bronzes. 9 points for Mr Christ there.

So there we have it. Tarman from Return of the Living Dead is the ultimate zombie. He looks disgusting, eats live brains and can operate a winch. Let me put it this way: There are world leaders out there who can only manage 2 of those. I rest my case.

Popcap put on several dance-offs between plants and zombies at this year’s E3.

An interesting philosophical discussion from the guys at College Humor.

When the inevitable zombie apocalypse breaks out it’s pretty obvious where you should aim to be in order to be both safe and happy. That place is The Playboy Mansion (mind you, there aren’t many situations where that would be a bad venue of choice, to be honest). However, not much thought has gone into where you shouldn’t be.

Well here at Zombie Command we can save you the time and give you a handy guide of where to avoid, just in case you’re thinking of being in any of these places when it all kicks off.

Somewhere Dark and Scary

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Firstly, the obvious places to avoid are those where they are perpetually dark and scary. For example anywhere underground or somewhere with intentionally bad lighting.

Now usually this is pretty simple to avoid. Outdoors may be dark at night but it soon lightens up when the sun comes out, but if you end up indoors without much light you’ll never see the zombies coming. The obvious place to watch out for then would be some sort of indoor area for shows, as they’re generally very dark all the time (usually so that you can’t see the prices at the bar or check the quality of the shirts at the merch stall).

Somewhere with no escape routes

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Being outdoors is preferable here. It’s easy to escape from ‘outside’, as your possibilities are almost endless. There aren’t any doors out in the forest to get stuck behind, no sir. Where you don’t want to be is somewhere where there are only a couple of ways out. Somewhere like a basement or a… concert venue. Hmm, this is leading somewhere, methinks.

Assuming though that you’ve decided the zombocalypse isn’t going to happen today and found yourself at a gig when, naturally, the zombie uprising begins. Just hope that the gig you’re at is a massive music festival with lots of open space, food stalls to loot and a huge choice of homes to claim as your own (for ‘home’ read ‘tent’).

If you’ve attended an overpriced arena venue then having only 1 or 2 entrances mean you’re chances of a quick escape are pretty tricky. Especially if everyone is racing for the same places. Yup, best give arena shows a wide berth, just to be safe.

Somewhere very crowded

[Pic Credit]

Getting yourself trapped in a concert venue isn’t always a bad thing. If you’ve been to see a band of the type that yours truly enjoys (i.e. dirty smelly old-school metal gigs) then the chances are there won’t be that many people there. You can all chill out at the bar and just enjoy the sound system in there. However, should you have ended up at a gig where there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of people then this could present a problem.

Every extra person is just another potential infectee, and just one zombie can infect – at a guess – about 4 or 5 people before being taken out by the survivors. However, then each of those 5 can then do the same, and you’ll soon have a thousand-strong undead horde in no time. Therefore the advice is, if you’re going to attend gigs, make sure it’s unpopular ones in small venues.

A Place Full of Idiots

Finally, assuming you’ve ignored all the above advice and have found yourself in a dark, confined, inescapable and crowded gig you still have one safety net, and that is the hope that the people around you are smart, intelligent people who can hold themselves together in a crisis, don’t make stupid decisions, and as a bonus are actually fun people to spend the apocalypse with.

What you DON’T want is to be surrounded by idiotic single-braincell dumbasses who scream at the slightest provocation, have no judgement, and who have been screaming and crying with emotion for hours already. Thankfully the Emo trend seems to have almost died out, so you’re not as likely as before to find yourself in this situation. However, there are still people out there who would fit the bill…

Yes, the very worst place you could spend your final hours would be in a dark, scary, confined, inescapable, crowded area surrounded by idiotic morons. In other words, KEEP AWAY FROM JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERTS . For your own safety, you have been warned!

[ZC - A Justin Bieber concert is also the worst place to be when there's not a zombie apocalypse.]

The fact that the voice acting in the original Playstation version of Resident Evil was bad is legendary.

Check out this 10 minute compilation of all the best (worst?) lines in the game that YouTube user gamegoonie made up to brighten up your Friday.

I hope that this is not Chris’ blood.

YouTube user Criken2 has been making these funny Left 4 Dead gaming moments for a few months now and while some aren’t all that funny there are a couple of gems that are worth watching the whole series for.

You can watch the first one above or check out his channel on YouTube.