The aim of Cowboys Vs. Zombies is to protect your fledgling town against waves of zombies coming in across the desert. Cowboys take the place of ‘towers’ in traditional TD games and, while they can be placed anywhere along the path the zombies are coming down, putting them in specific places on buildings offers added protection from the zombie hordes.

Each zombie killed is worth a $1 bounty and cash can be used to promote cowboys to Deputies and Sheriffs, increasing their range and rate of fire. As you progress through each of the 6 levels shotguns, snipers and dynamite are all opened up to help in the zombie killing and you’ll have to balance retreating to save money for more cowboys versus repairing buildings.

CvZ differs slightly from usual tower defence games in a few ways but in general these aren’t improvements. The first change is the view. There is no traditional top down (or almost top down) view, unstead the view is almost 3rd person, not much higher than head height. Turning the screen pulls back and up but it’s still not far enough to be able to accurately grab and place your units.

Which leads us on to the second issue, the layout. Sacrifices have been made in order to fit onto the small iPhone screen, but with both sides and the top of the screen filled with icons it’s all to easy to grab one of them instead of a cowboy or vice versa. This happened far too often and almost made me give up half way through. Being able to move the camera a bit more may have helped but you’ll fail more often due to this than the actual zombies being a problem.

The whole game actually disregarded conventional wisdom when it comes to these kinds of games, there’s no indication of: damage to buildings/cowboys/zombies, where cowboys can be places, range of units, cost of units, type of damage, cost of units or cost to upgrade, when the next wave’s coming or what it consists of. While it eventually becomes reasonably clear it makes the whole affair far less strategical. Not helped by the fact that the zombies only ever come in a straight line towards you so you are always only guarding on one front.

It’s also a very short game, the 6 levels aren’t very difficult (control issues aside) and once you’ve completed the main game there’s little reason to go back with no endless mode or scores. This may change in future updates as the game does have space for x00 waves but never goes above 30.

For all it’s issues Cowboys Vs. Zombies isn’t without it’s charms, lots of zombies on screen with good looking cartoony characters and I imagine that future updates will go a long way to improving the experience and longevity. Until then if you’re the kind of person who likes to gamble then CvZ is available today only for $0.99 before going up to the normal price of $2.99.

You can keep track of future updates on the official site.

Provided the small game around you hasn’t been zombified, there’s a fairly high chance you’ll decide to kill and eat some of it at some point. The type of game available will depend entirely on where you are; in most rural areas, for example, there is usually an abundance of rabbits, squirrels and small birds. Urbanites will probably have more luck trapping the local rat, mouse or pigeon populations.

Most small mammals and birds you are likely to find are edible, although some species of shrew are poisonous and should not be eaten. In general it is best to avoid eating:

• Carnivorous animals or scavengers such as crows; you never know what they might have eaten.
• Any animal with signs of disease, as this could potentially be passed on to you.
• Animals which show signs of zombie infection or have been killed by a zombie; why take the risk?
• Any animal which is already dead unless you are completely sure of the cause of death; animals which have been poisoned can in turn poison you.

Finding Small Game

Whilst rats are omnipresent in most towns and cities, to find some types of small game you will have to be more vigilant. Signs that animals are living in an area might include:

• Evidence of burrowing or nesting
• Tracks or trails
• Droppings
• Evidence of feeding (for example pine cones stripped by squirrels)

In any area where you find two or more types of evidence, you will have a good chance of finding and catching some kind of prey.

Catching Small Game

[Pic Credit]

ZC's favourite trap

Once you have found some small game in your area, you need to catch it. If vehicles are still being used, you might be lucky enough to find road kill which can be collected and prepared. Alternatively, if you have a good aim, you may be able to use basic projectiles (for example rocks) to stun birds or slower-moving animals. This will have the disadvantage of scaring away animals from the area, making prey increasingly more scarce.

The best and most reliable option in most situations will be to use a basic trap. Traps need to be positioned in places where you know animals are going to go, for example on a trail or in an area with relatively fresh (still wet) droppings. You should avoid leaving signs that an area has been disturbed as this might scare away potential catches; clean away any soil you disturb as this will be immediately obvious to a small animal and use either mud or non-predatory animal urine to cover up your scent on the traps.

You will almost certainly increase the likelihood that you will catch something if you bait your trap; use a small amount of a food which is not readily available in the area.

Making simple traps

One of the and most effective traps you can make is a snare, a noose-like loop of wire which is attached to a stake and placed at the entrance to a run or den. When the animal emerges, their head goes through the loop but their body will be too large to follow. As the animal struggles, the loop will tighten and your prey is trapped.

For smaller game such as mice, a bottle trap can be used effectively. First, you need to locate a trail which is currently in use. Then, you should dig a small hole with an opening at the top which is narrower than the bottom in the ground. Prop a piece of bark over the top and leave the trap for a few days. Small animals such as mice will hide under the bark, fall into the hole and be unable to escape. These can then simply be collected from the hole.

When catching small animals to eat, it is important not to catch so many that the population in the area will be damaged; by catching only what you need to eat, you should be able to trap sustainably in the same area for quite some time.

Happy trapping survivors!

A few weeks back on ZombieCommand you may have seen the fantastic College Humor sketch on Nazi Zombies which addressed some interesting points. Namely: Are Nazi Zombies any scarier than regular zombies? Well, we’ve dug through the DVD archives and put together a top 5 list of some of the best (and indeed worst) the 3rd Reich has to offer in the way of the undead, so you can decide if they really ARE extra-terrifying!

5. Zombies of War

Coming in at number 5, and therefore the worst zombie film on this list is the recent Zombies of War. Apparently the UK distributors decided that this film was much more of a zombie movie than when it was released over in the States, as they changed both the title (it is known as Horrors of War in the U.S.) and also zombified the artwork on the DVD box. (Check out the US versus the UK sleeves! Maybe the UK are just bigger suckers than the US, who knows?

It belongs at the bottom of this list as it is, quite frankly, a shocking movie. A mad Nazi scientist has created a serum to turn people into paranormal creatures, sometimes werewolves, sometimes zombies. However he has only really created one or two of these creatures as that’s all we get treated too.

The rest of the movie just consists of a bunch of chaps in WWII clobber roaming around in some woods for an hour and a half. It comes across as a thourally boring war movie, mixed in with a paranormal werewolf movie, with one or two Nazi Zombies that pop up and take a few bullets a few times along the way.

What we like about it:
Well the cover has some great looking hordes of marching Nazi zombies. Plus the Werewolf makeup (or rather ‘rubber mask’) is quite humorous.

4. Oasis of the Zombies

“Let’s get some bottles to make Molotov Cocktails, like at school!”

Allegedly directed by Jess Franco, Oasis of the Zombies (or ‘La tumba de los muertos vivientes’ as it has also been released, albeit with several different scenes, actors and music) fares slightly better than Zombies of War. There are certainly more zombies in this one for a start, and Jess has opted for the slightly less familiar Afrika Korps Nazi’s to zombify. (Maybe because Korps reads a little bit like Corpse?).

These zombies are much more impressive looking, with some particularly bizarre googly eyes going on too. Sure, they’re not on screen for all that long but considering the film itself looks like it was thrown together from stock war footage and random test shots for other films it’s not too bad overall. And being a Franco movie there is also some nudity thrown in too, if that’s your sort of thing.

What we like about it:
The googly-eyed zombies are fantastic!

3. Dead Snow

Right, into the Top 3, so surely we’re into the realms of the good Nazi zombie cinema? Well perhaps, as Dead Snow is a bit of a puzzler. It seems to be either loved or loathed judging by popular opinions, and that is understandable.

To be a bit subjective here, I felt it was a film of 2 halves, one decent and one very poor. The problem this film has was going for the comedy angle half-way through the movie. It started out as an interesting take on the standard ‘teens in a cabin in the middle of nowhere’, and by setting this film in the daylight and with snow all around the possibilities for a unique enjoyable movie were all there. Even when the expected scares started happening they were actually quite effective. However it was around this point that it changed from trying to scare you into trying to make you laugh, and sadly Norway isn’t known for being a comedy hub. ‘Ooh, a zombie grabbing a crotch! How side-splittingly funny!’

Still, the zombies themselves are easily the most impressive looking Nazi Undead that I’ve ever come across, so it is probably worth watching for that. Just go in expecting it to switch from horror to lame comedy and you’ll be fine.

What we like about it:
The Nazi Zombies are some of the best looking of their type, and the gore isn’t too bad either.

2. Shock waves

In at number 2 is a little known, but really quite enjoyable little movie. Peter ‘Twins of Evil’ Cushing stars as an old Nazi Commander living ‘mostly’ alone on an island, when a group of shipwrecked divers turn up and start investigating / sticking their noses in. Unfortunately for them this is the time when the Nazi Zombies who’ve been living under the sea for several decades decide to rock on up to the surface and partake in a little (sadly bloodless) killing.

The zombies in question are less undead looking than standard Nazi zombies, and appear to be wearing swimming goggles. Although they do not look particularly scary themselves the scenes of them all slowly rising as one out of the water is quite chilling at times. There’s also the bonus of Peter Cushing hamming it up good and proper.

It’s quite an original take on the genre, with some decent ideas going on. It could have done with some more gore though, but then that could be said about a lot of zombie movies.

What we like about it:
The creepy zombies rising up out of the sea should have been a classic scene, if anyone had ever seen this cult film.

1. Zombie Lake

Yes, at number one it’s one of the greatest works of cinema ever created. Nazi Zombies in bright green face paint living at the bottom of a lake who rise from the water to eat the flesh of naked ladies. And numerous naked ladies at that. Including an entire (naked) volleyball team.

Watch as the green zombie makeup rubs off on victims clothes!
Be amazed at the under water ‘lake’ locations that include swimming pool ladders!
Wonder at the bending of time and space where entering a door in daylight turns the next room to nighttime!

Jean Rollin delivers a truly spectacular movie here. It is virtually guaranteed that you will enjoy this movie infinitely more than any other on this list. Sure, you won’t enjoy it for the plot, acting, effects and direction, but enjoy it you will. You will probably feel guilty for liking it so much, as every sense in your body will be laughing at you for it, but you won’t care. Zombie Lake is a work of genius, as any film with a 2 / 10 score on IMDB should be.

What we like about it:
The awe-inspiring zombie effects, and the fantastic music… no of course not. It’s obviously the naked volleyball zombie-attack scene!

Special mentions should probably go to Outpost (although that is more of a Nazi ghost story than a zombie one), and the upcoming 4th Reich (Although we are yet to have seen more than just a website for that one, but it can’t be worse than Zombies of War now, can it?)

In the midst of the zombie invasion, you might imagine parasites and biting insects such as fleas, mosquitoes and ticks will be the least of your worries. Think about it though; if a flea can spread diseases and illnesses such as the bubonic plague, myxomatosis or endemic typhus, what makes you so sure they couldn’t pass on a zombie virus or infection? Do you really want to risk fighting off zombie hordes only to be infected by an insect bite? No, me neither.

Fleas

Fleas often live on soft furnishings and in carpets, hopping onto animals or humans as and when they need to eat. Flea repellent is relatively easy to make and there are many effective home-made recipes. Equal parts of vinegar or lemon juice and water sprayed onto skin or worked into an animal’s fur will both discourage fleas from biting.

The easiest way to kill fleas is to dehydrate them; sprinkle salt or borax over an infected area such as a carpet and leave for a few days and most of the fleas will be killed. Be warned, fleas will bite more when dying so it might be a good idea to be somewhere else while the treatment works.

Flying Insects

Flying insects which bite humans include mosquitoes, midges and horseflies. These will usually avoid you if you apply citrus oils (for example lemongrass or orange) to your skin. The most effective way to do this is to crush citrus leaves and rub the oil directly onto yourself (remember to patch-test for potential allergic reactions first). There is also some evidence that insects will avoid biting people with garlic in their bloodstream.

If there are large numbers of flying, biting insects in your area, it is probably a good idea to put up a net to protect you whilst you sleep. The best way to do this is to hang fine netting over your rest area so that the ends easily reach the ground. Remember to check nets regularly for rips and other damage.

Ticks

Ticks will fasten themselves to skin whilst feeding and are often difficult to remove. Their natural habitat is long grass or trees, where they will attach themselves to the legs and bodies of passing mammals. You are fairly unlikely to find large numbers of ticks in urban areas.

The easiest way to repel ticks is to rub a mixture of vegetable oil, aloe vera gel (scraped from the inside of an aloe vera leaf) and an insect repelling oil such as lavender onto your skin before going into an area where they are likely to be living.

Following these simple de-infestation tips will help you stay zombie virus free or at least stop that nagging itch when you’re aiming at a zombie’s head!

Undead The Last Refuge is a first-person zombie shooter (FPZS?) for the iPhone which pits you against unrelenting waves of the Undead in an abandoned building armed with only a pistol for company.

The game is from BulkyPix who are alse responsible for Nun vs Zombie hack and slash Twin Blades, as well as an abundance of other games in a lot of genres for the iPhone.

Undead The Last Refuge plays almost identically to Call of Duty: World at War: Zombies. Players start in a run down room with only a pistol as zombies approach from various sides through the window. The windows have shutters which players can run up to and close to help slow down the zombie entry, which comes at the trade off of not being able to cover the other entrances.

As zombies are killed the score increases as does the amount of money the player has. Once enough has been saved up the next room and next weapon are unlockable for a cost which present the zombies with more ways to try and attack the player. It’s the same scenario in the next room apart from more money is needed to unlock the subsequent room.

Players can move using their left thumb on a control and aim by dragging their right finger around the screen to narrow the sights. The shoot button however is inconveniently place above the move area meaning that it’s almost impossible to move and shoot at the same time which, as I’m sure Resident Evil 5 finally proved, is not a great idea.

Visually Undead The Last Refuge is a nice looking game. Shooting zombies in the face and seeing the blasted off mess left behind is about as realistic as you could expect on the iPhone. The rooms are obviously part of a whole house, with each is shaded in it’s own colour and atmosphere and the zombies are pleasantly detailed though lacking in variety.

Unfortunately though, the game itself is somewhat flawed. The aiming, while feeling more natural than CoDWaWZ, was a much more variable affair; often zombies that I clearly missed would give me headshots and those that I nailed in the head wouldn’t even register being shot, combined with hitting the window edges far too often and unfavourably it was a hugely frustrating affair.

I also initially couldn’t find my way out of the first room as the door wouldn’t appear with the unlock sign and only after emailing the developer and being assured I only needed $30k to leave the first room (I was often over $100k) I wandered to the far side of the damaged wall which eventually allowed me to leave. I may have been being stupid but I walked as far as the middle of the wall without getting a message and the instructions show a picture of the door when telling you how to progress.

Undead The Last Refuge also doesn’t have the same multiplayer features that CoDWaWZ has and while the game is fun for couple of hours the too often random nature prevents me from rushing back to it in order to try and beat my high score.

That said, it is a lot cheaper than Activision’s offering at only $2.99/£1.79 and if you’re looking to make your last stand it’s available in the iTunes store now.

On Friday I went to see How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse: Reloaded, a live, lively and very interactive seminar, aiming to ensure that whether you have a plan and are machete proficient or not – you may just survive, should the undead rise.

The team are led by Dr. Dale Seslick, super self assured with an encyclopaedic knowledge of dead-heads, and sporting natty Rayban’s and red polo neck combo. You’ll be hard pressed to catch him out, no matter how obscure or petty your query. Dr. Dale is ably assisted by the unassumingly nerd-hot Judy, a scientist with a flair for roleplay and an intolerance for foolishness. Donald is the survival expert, who while seeming out of time and out of touch, knows how to take care of himself and you. And the there’s Tristen. Sweet, sweet Tristen – a lovable simpleton who just wants to be involved and get a hug.

The seminar itself is pacey, knowledgable and features some hilarious set pieces. As I mentioned at the beginning, it’s also totally two-sided. During the course of the show the audience are put in a series of situations and asked questions to discern whether they would emerge unscathed or not. And don’t worry, it’s done en masse – no-one is singled out and embarrassed. Well. ONE person is singled out, but if you’re a regular ZC reader, there’s no way it’ll be you and it’s all done in good fun anyway. It’ll probably be your Dad*.

You are also encouraged to make suggestions and ask questions to your hearts content – even at the interval and post-show, where the cast diligently remain in character until you’ve had your fill.

The show is designed to be enjoyed by novice, amateur and expert zombie enthusiasts and no matter how much you know you’ll have a great time. Personally, I wasn’t expecting the level of improv on show and was very pleasantly surprised – at times it was like watching a ‘Who’s Line Is it Anyway?’ zombie special!

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse: Reloaded comes highly recommended by yours truly and you can check the dates of the rest of this tour and also the Edinburgh Fringe shows here. You can also find out more on Facebook or by following Dr Dale on Twitter.

*I’m sure YOUR Dad is lovely and completely on the ball, Z-wise.

Well fear not, the undead will never die! Here at Zombie Command we have compiled an A-Z of zombie movies that are yet to be released, which should (fingers crossed) be hitting our screens in some form or another over the next year.

This is the first multi-part post on ZC so make sure and click through once you get to the bottom of each page.

A.D.

Trailer:

A beautiful animated proof-of-concept piece we first heard about a few months ago.
Good: Gorgeous art style, and the animated zombie genre is in need of some thing new. The last one we remember was ‘City of Rott’.
Bad: Only a taster, no full feature is in the works just yet. But here’s hoping!

Big Tits Zombie 3D

Trailer:

A stripper foolishly reads the Book of the Dead out loud, causing the dead to rise and attack the planet. Konichiwaaaaaaaaaa!
Good: Zombies and Strippers, so it could be as good as Zombie Strippers.
Bad: Zombies and Strippers, so it could be as bad as Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

Condition Dead 3D

Official Site: Condition Dead
“When the dead rise.. Please leave it to the professionals”

Luther Judge and his team of specialists are the government’s response whenever the dead rise from the grave. But a new assignment finds them contending with a mysterious and lethal zombie menace… and Judge’s ex-wife.

Good: Director Patrick Lussier did a great job on his last 3D movie: My Bloody Valentine 3D
Bad: Everything has gone quiet for the past year or so on this one, so who knows what the chances of a release are.

Devils Playground

Trailer:

A group or survivors hole up in a forest, surrounded by Free Running Zombies.
Good: Everyone loves Parkour, and it should make for a unique zombie movie.
Bad: If you don’t like running zombies, you’ll hate parkour ones. Plus it stars UK’s Danny Dyer.

Eaters

Trailer:

A Mad Scientist attempting to find a cure for zombism is actually using the zombies for his own devious means. (Mwah-ha-ha-haa!)
Good: It’s almost a fact that the best zombie movies come from Italy
Bad: The teaser trailer shows CGI blood, CGI makeup, CGI landscapes, did we mention Uwe Boll was involved?

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To celebrate the release of Pro Zombie Soccer on the iPhone we’re giving away a copy courtesy of Chillingo.

To enter simply tell us in the comments which sport you’d least or most like to play against zombies.

The best answer will be picked by our team of highly trained monkeys on Wednesday at 18:00 GMT.

Pro Zombie Soccer is the first game from Super Awesome Hyper-Dimensional Mega Team (SAHDMT) and published by Chillingo games.

The game tells the story of Jax, a soccer football player who is bitten by zombies when the uprising begins but then finds out that, before he turns, he has the power to destroy zombies by kicking a football at them. Aided by special ball power-ups, he races across town to try and save his friends and find the cause of the zombies, but will he make it in time or will his hunger for brains be too much.

The gameplay of Pro Zombie Soccer hasn’t changed much since our first hands on a few months ago. Players aim with their left thumb behind Jax, hold to build power and then release to kick the ball in the direction aimed. It’s a simple control scheme where players have to balance rapid fire kicks with more controlled aiming, resulting in some tense gameplay as your never sure what zombies are coming next.

The zombies themselves are hugely varied: normal weak zombies can be killed simply by hitting them, some need you to hit their head, some their bodies, some have bits that fall off, some only have specific areas that do damage, some zig zag, some come direct, some burrow towards you and some require trick shots or the use of environmental special moves. Over all the game moves quickly with new mechanics introduced almost every level to make Pro Zombie Soccer impossible to get bored of. The only problem with it is that there’s not quite enough time to get used to each before you’re on to the next. I could have quite happily played an extra 5 levels of the basic zombies or had more levels interspersed between the new types of enemies.

There are almost 20 levels in Pro Zombie Soccer with 2 difficulty levels and an extra zombie odyssey mode which plays like a survival stage. It won’t take too long to complete, though plenty of levels are challenging. Learning when to use which of your special ball powers can take a few tries.

The story in PZS is equal parts clever, purile and terrible. Distancing myself from the writing, the story crams a fairly epic confrontation into the hour and a half it takes to complete; it’s original, tries to fit in some jokes only gamers will get and only takes itself as seriously as a team named Super Awesome Hyper Dimensional Mega Team could. The problem is that while kicking zombies in the nuts is fairly funny, the toilet humour and terrible writing are, at times, not.

To be fair the team aren’t native English speakers, some of the humour may have been lost in translation, but I winced every time I read a cut scene. Setting up the evil company as Black Pesa (geddit, like Black Mesa… Halflife… no?) just isn’t clever (something more subtle like White Plateau would have given real gamers a much bigger nod). The writing for the rest of the game isn’t any better, indeed it’s painful to read, it’s like it was run through a bad Google joke translator and just pasted in.

Ultimately you’re not going to buy the game for the writing though and after the first play through you’d almost certainly skip these scenes anyway. The graphics and music are fantastic, the game is fun for short bursts even after completing it and getting through the hardcore difficulty is more than challenging enough for a couple of weeks on the bus. Pro Zombie Soccer is only 59p/99¢ just now and is more than worth it, joining Zombie Smash and Plants Vs. Zombies as my top zombie game apps.

The app is currently available in the Apple store or for more information visit the official site.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus

First place receives 3 points, 2 for second and 1 for third. Who will come out on top as the ultimate revenant? Well lets find out.

Being Dead

OK, the first criteria of an ultimate zombie is to ensure that the are actually dead, and not just a crazy-ugly cannibal redneck. How do our three competitors fare in this matter?

Bub – Yup, he’s certainly a goner, although a pretty fresh one. A bit of makeup and he could possibly pass as a human, albeit a slightly retarded one. I’ve been to Blackpool here in the UK and there’s often not much to tell between those people alive and dead.

Tarman – This is a much more clear-cut decision. Tarman has been locked in an airtight barrel for over 20 years and barely has any flesh left on his rotten skeleton. We can be pretty sure he’s a corpse.

Jesus – Well he certainly claimed to have been dead and risen again, and there are some documented sighting of him strung up on a cross, but then who really believes those religious nuts?

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
2	3	1

Brain Eating

[Pic Credit]

There is more to being a zombie than simply rising from the grave. A healthy appetite for human flesh, and in particular the nice juicy brain fits the picture. Do our contenders fancy a nosh on some medulla oblongata?

Bub – He’s pretty tranquil, and far too smart to use his teeth to chomp on some skulls. He’d rather shoot his targets instead. However he is partial to a bucket of flesh every so often, so maybe brains are on his agenda.

Tarman – One word… BRAAAAIIIIINNNS. Another two words: LIIIIIVVVE BRRRAAAAAIIIINNS! Enough said.

Jesus – While there are no recorded details of brains eating, his whereabouts for 40 days after rising from the grave and escaping the tomb are sketchy at best. There are multiple reports that he appeared in front of several individuals and groups of people, but that certainly doesn’t account for 40 days on the run. It may be an assumption, but I believe it to be likely this was his brain-eating period, which was covered up due to bad press.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
1	3	2

Speed of Movement

Zombies come in many speeds. Well actually only 2: Fast and slow. Everyone has their preferences, but which form will our favourite zombies take?

Bub – Slow and shabby, just as a zombie should be. While this conforms to proper standards it does lead to him being easy to escape from. (Discounting his use of firearms, naturally).

Tarman – Tarman is even more shambly that Bub. He’s particularly dribbly as he slowly climbs the basement stairs in Return of the Living Dead. It’s a fantastically hypnotic sight, but I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t hang around to watch him shuffle after me.

Jesus – Jesus comes across as kind of akin to a hippy. He was never much of a sprinter in his heyday, so it’s unlikely he’s much faster in death. Like a hippy, he can probably move fast if he could be bothered, but rarely does.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
3	1	2

Limited Lifespan

[Pic Credit]
Zombies never last forever. They rot and fall apart, and although the brain may well keep going the rotting flesh holding them together will cause serious issues with hunting tasty brains.

Bub – Poor old Bub only lasts one film. Fame probably went to his head and he vanished off to Hollywood to feast on celebs. His last appearance was back in 1985, so god knows what state he’s in now.

Tarman – Tarman has twice the lifespan of Bub as he pops up again in ROTLD pt 5, just to piss on his legacy more than anything. That is a pretty frightening idea though. Also, as the legend of Tarman states he originated in the classic Night of the Living Dead, so he’s been around for quite a while already.

Jesus – Taking the points however, is Jesus. For 2000 years this zombie has never shut up about being around forever. An everlasting zombie is a pretty scary thing.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
1	2	3

Intelligence

Finally we come to intellect. It’s all very well shambling your way along guided by the smell of brains, but sometimes even zombies can manage to drum up a hint of savvy to help track down their prey.

Bub – Bub shows signs of being able to use tools, phones and even firearms. Sure, it takes quite a bit of training to plug into the inert instincts of the creature, but Day of the Dead shows that it is possible.

Tarman – While on paper not much of a thinker, Tarman managed to operate a winch more or less unsupervised. While not exactly loading, aiming and firing a pistol it’s still quite impressive.

Jesus – Doesn’t appear to act much differently after becoming a zombie. All he is apparently able to do is turn up unannounced for some lunch with some people every-so-often. He also seems to do less miracles as a zombie.

Bub	Tarman	Jesus
3	2	1

So some controversial results there, but obviously this was all done scientifically and the results clearly show as follows:

• Bub – ends up scoring 2 golds, 1 silver and 2 bronze. 10 Points to the classic Romero Zombie.
• Tarman – comes in with 2 golds, 2 silvers and only the one bronze. 11 Points to the disgusting Tarman.
• Jesus – had a surprisingly good showing, clocking up 1 gold, 2 silvers and 2 bronzes. 9 points for Mr Christ there.

So there we have it. Tarman from Return of the Living Dead is the ultimate zombie. He looks disgusting, eats live brains and can operate a winch. Let me put it this way: There are world leaders out there who can only manage 2 of those. I rest my case.